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  #1  
Old 06-21-2004, 11:33 PM
Tim Adlam's Avatar
Tim Adlam Tim Adlam is offline
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Sending "old guys" to war!

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington, DC...But I'm hedging 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
Hog wash!
I can still track a big buck in deep snow...AND during a full scale blizzard...AND while dealing with a chronic hemmorid problem......
...And they got the gaul to say I'm too infirm to road-hunt these jackrabbits?!?!...

My huntin' buddy Bubba says to me, "Day sez you cain't be older dan turdy five to joint up wit da milidatary don'tcha know?"...
[He really talks like this...no lie.]
I sez...I mean, I said...what kinda' logic is that!?...They worried we'd out-live our govt. pensions?...Sheeesh!

I'm here to tell ya...

They got this whole thing backwards!
Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
Yep!...If you gotta' focus to read this...you're eligible.
You shouldn't be able to join in this hunt until you're at least 35+ in my book!

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink.
An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35... [I'm above average and proud of it!]...
and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured... we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them!
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps...
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.
My pal Bubba's been in combat, and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side of anyplace, nor did he ever do
any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."...
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy...I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet...have you?

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants
without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.
He still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of
a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All are great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our home ground on September 11.

The last thing any enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes...:evil

An old farts toast...To the Hunt!


Take Care,
Bubba & Grumpy Granpap Tim


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Last edited by Tim Adlam; 06-22-2004 at 12:32 AM.
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  #2  
Old 06-22-2004, 02:06 AM
severtecher severtecher is offline
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Where do I sign Tim.
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Old 06-22-2004, 10:47 AM
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TexasJack TexasJack is offline
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I think the main reason they don't send us old farts is because of concern about violating the Geneva Convention. They have a rule against toxic gas.

Rush Limbaugh got in trouble years ago for suggesting that they form 4 divisions of female soldiers, with each division on a different 'time of the month'. Imagine the terror of assault troops that have been told the enemy called them 'fat'.

I have to admit that I was disappointed to find out that they wouldn't take anyone my age during the time after 9/11. I may not be able to march as far or fast as those young boys, but I'd be more than happy to supply my own 4-wheeler and rifle! (The gov't would need to supply ammo 'cause I can pull that trigger without much provocation.) If I'm not mistaken, didn't they take men up to 45 in WWII?

A friend of mine worked for a military contractor during that mess in SE Asia. He got to meet people with inside info that most don't see. He claims that military statistics showed that the older aged soldiers suffered far fewer combat deaths than the young guys. But the reason the military wanted them young was because they are inexperienced and, well, stupid. They will listen to any idiot officer who gives them an order. Charge a machine gun? Sure. Older guys will tell the officer where to get off, then outflank the position. Takes longer and messes up the military 'style' of doing things. Saddam recruited troops for his most fanatic Guard from grade school. It's sad, but true.

I guess all we can do is support our boys over there. And do our best to see that they weren't treated like the guys who came back from 'Nam.


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Old 06-22-2004, 11:03 AM
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Shakudo Shakudo is offline
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I will be adding my grandfather's name to the WW2 memorial registry.while going through his papers we found his discharge papers.he enlisted into the army at the age of 44 shortly after the pearl harbor attack.
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Old 06-22-2004, 11:31 AM
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Jamey Saunders Jamey Saunders is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Adlam
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington, DC...But I'm hedging 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.

{SNIPPED FOR BREVITY!!!}

Take Care,
Bubba & Grumpy Granpap Tim
I'm ony 28, but this sounds suspiciously familiar. Are you sure "Old-Farthood" starts at 35???


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Old 06-22-2004, 12:02 PM
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TexasJack TexasJack is offline
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A boss of mine years ago used to claim that he was a D.O.M.I.T. - a dirty old man in-training. When you begin to be an O.F. is irrelevant, just so you understand that that's where you're heading!


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