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| The Watering Hole Weekends, girlfriends or happenings ... no knife talk allowed! |
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#1
10-11-2006, 07:24 PM
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The new Retrosexual movement
OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand ... no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the Culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. The Code : A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. (Should be either forging or grinding related) A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot. Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. (Real men actualy make thier own knives) A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he #### well wanted it to land. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT ! Author unknown. Don't wait for Dr Phil or Orca Winfrey to do a show about this. Last edited by B.Finnigan; 10-11-2006 at 09:50 PM. 
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#2
10-11-2006, 07:49 PM
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right on.
__________________ Brett Holmes. Australian knife maker extraordinaire 
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#4
10-12-2006, 12:29 AM
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####. I get some of my favorite 'retro' band t-shirts from Hot Topic (Zepplin, Van Halen, even Haggard). If I avoid the baggy, covered in useless hardware and chains, GP medium tents they sell as pants, can I still be retrosexual man?
Also, I have let a tear slip while watching Oliver North's 'War Stories' on Fox News Channel. It was out of respect, I swear! __________________ Andy Garrett https://www.facebook.com/GarrettKnives?ref=hl Charter Member - Kansas Custom Knifemaker's Association www.kansasknives.org "Drawing your knife from its sheath and using it in the presence of others should be an event complete with oos, ahhs, and questions."
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#5
10-12-2006, 01:07 AM
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I think the author wants us to use the article as a template. The fact that you make your own knives will counter balance your clothing store choices.
If my clothing doesn't have a Carhartt label on it somewhere then it becomes a rag.
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#6
10-12-2006, 11:32 AM
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!!!!!AMEN!!!!!
That's what I've been trying to say! Here is a paragraph from my personal website I've been working on (not yet published). What you just said is THE REASON I chose to make knives as a hobby. Sign me up for life membership. From my website: "Another reason I chose knife making is a little bit political. When I was a child every man carried a pocketknife. A pocketknife was standard equipment for the tough, hard working, self sufficient, ready-for-anything man. Today's society doesn't encourage a man to be any of those things, and that doesn't sit well with me. So I make pocketknives as a statement and I give them as gifts to important people in my life. It is my way of expressing gratitude to the recipient, and recognizing them for my admiration of their commitment to some old fashioned values." -Ben M.
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#7
10-12-2006, 01:53 PM
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Have any of the rest of you noticed how much men are made fun of on TV commercials? If there was a reversal of that and women were being mocked and belittled every feminist group on the planet would be rioting and boycotting the advertised products. There would be congressional hearings and CNN would be covering it around the clock.
Maybe it's time for us guys to take notice of this garbage and start contacting these advertisers and calling them on thier bull$%#@. I have allready done it to a few company's like Dish Network and some packaged food company's. We have a local magazine style program that comes on after our local news that for the longest time only had "chick stories". I gave them a phone call and a follow up letter letting them know that it appears that women have completely taken over the programing content and as a guy I found it very boring and disinteresting. I also reminded them that since this program follows the evening news it is mostly guys attempting to watch it. Over the past few months I started noticing more "guy" oriented stories. It's obvious that I was not the only one bringing that to thier attention. What is disturbing about this is that there is obviousely an agenda in play. The boardrooms across this country are full of "sixty-something" old dog feminists that have been given alot of power and say. They have an axe to grind against any straight traditional male. We are seeing the last dying gasps of the early seventies "bra-burning militant feminist" movement.
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#8
10-12-2006, 02:17 PM
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Well...
I agree with 'The Code', but don't let the opposition give you an anuerism. Part of "Dealing With It" is ignoring things not worth acknowledging. When watching TV or reading the paper feels like this:  And makes me want to do this:  I just turn it off and go play with my kids.  -Ben M.
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#9
10-12-2006, 06:28 PM
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It's all just ebb and flow fellas. Like a pendellum, all things swing back and forth--always have. This is just the latest incarnation.
Perhaps it's men's fault too. Some where along the line, some men didn't DEAL WITH IT, and ran out on a young family. How many guys do you know who were raised by single mothers? How many single mothers can teach a boy the values we identify as being manly? And, if they remarry, how many seek out a pasty-skinned, soft handed, number-cruncher from uptown because the wife-beating, beer-guzzling, blue-collar A-hole that knocked 'em up only had the visible traits of a good ol' fashion man-of-quality and nothing more (some women just need to see past the pick-up truck). My mom was married six times in my childhood. I've seen this phenominon first hand. Knowing my father (a genuine man's man) was the only thing that saved me! Sooner or later, it will again be desireable to be a exactly like the man described in the authors piece. Society will demand it. I find hope in the latest Milwaukie's Best "Men should act like men" commercials. Perhaps the pendellum has already started swinging the other way. There will always be some group who have their own pendellum, i.e., beatnicks, volvo owners, folk singers, interior decorators, etc., but the biggest one will come back our way soon. Take heart! (and DEAL WITH IT) __________________ Andy Garrett https://www.facebook.com/GarrettKnives?ref=hl Charter Member - Kansas Custom Knifemaker's Association www.kansasknives.org "Drawing your knife from its sheath and using it in the presence of others should be an event complete with oos, ahhs, and questions."
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#10
10-12-2006, 08:07 PM
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By the time I was twelve every single friend I had was in a broken family. I felt a little strange having a full time dad around when compared to my friends who only saw thier dads every month.
I most certainly agree with you Andrew, we have two generations of "vaginized" males that were raised by thier moms with little or no male role models. Some had limited contact with thier dads and others never even knew who they were. In all of my circle of friends I am the only one who can work on a car and do my own oil changes. I have offered to show them some of the basics but they don't even have that self reliant passion to learn to do as much as they can themselves. A few years ago I built my daughter an elevated playhouse with a slide, deck, indoor carpeting, solar power and lights. Many times when people come over they ask where I got the kit. It boils my blood that they can't even comprehend that someone can design and build something from scratch these days. It is even worse when I get the same question about one of knives, but that is another story for another day. Last edited by B.Finnigan; 10-13-2006 at 11:04 PM.
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#11
10-13-2006, 08:23 PM
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Actually there are educators who are beginning to cry out that boys are being feminized and don't grow into men. If you look at a lot fo stuff happening like, competitions without winners all the other thngs out there ir is obviols that there is a movement afoot to castrate boys so that they never grow up into men!
Its time to grow some and stand up and be counted. Men have different needs and are wired differently. Sign me up for the Retrosexual movement!
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#13
10-18-2006, 10:47 AM
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Quote:
-Ben M.
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#14
10-18-2006, 03:26 PM
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Well it's about time!!!! Where can I get a "Real MEN are Retrosexual" t-shirt..
Glad to know that chivalry is not dead and is re-awakening!!!! Course that bleching part?????... elizabeth
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#15
10-18-2006, 10:26 PM
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Quote:
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| forging, knife, knife making, knives, pocketknife |
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